Love from Beyond
by TVHollywoodDiva
Summary: Derek dies and Meredith is left alone. A few months later, she finds a way to move on with his help.
1. Chapter 1

Love from Beyond 

Chapter 1

Meredith Grey Shepherd was wandering around her big empty dream house that she and Derek had built five years earlier. After many trials and tribulations, they thought they had finally gotten there happily ever after. However, fate had ripped that away from them all too soon.

A river of tears flowed down her cheeks as she walked from room to room trying in vain to find to a place to sleep. She had yet to sleep in their bed because everything still reminded her of the many memories that were too hard to face just yet.

Meredith entered the family room and looked around there were pictures everywhere of happier times their wedding, honeymoon, moving into their first house and then pictures of them building the house she was at now. She went over to the cough and sat down. As she sat there out of the corner of her eye, She saw it: Derek's red flannel shirt he wore when they first met.

_Flashback_

_Meredith was sitting at the Emerald City Bar with a shot of tequila in front of her. She had just come from the intern mixer event for Seattle Grace Hospital and now all she wanted to do was forget about it. However, just as she was about to polish off the shot a man with the deepest blue eyes She would ever saw approached her._

"_Is this seat taken?"_

_Meredith tried to ignore the man standing beside her, but he was persistent._

"_Miss is this seat taken?"_

_Meredith figured she better respond if she wanted him to leave her alone. "No." The man gave a slight nod and sat down beside her. Meredith thought or more accurately hoped that that would be the end of it. However, she was wrong. Very wrong._

"_I'm Derek," the man said._

"_Meredith," she said, turning towards him._

"_So what brings you here tonight, Meredith?"_

"_Need to forget a horrible party. You?"_

"_Just moved to town and needed to relax."_

_Despite herself, Meredith found herself becoming curious. "Oh really where_

_are you from?"_

"_New York," Derek said. "How about you?"_

"_I was born here in Seattle but grew up in Boston," Meredith replied._

_After that, the conversation flowed and before Meredith knew it, she had_

_invited Derek back to her house where they spent the night together. They_

_experienced an odd morning wake up call, which usually brought a smile to_

_Meredith's face, but now only made her feel bitter._

All the sudden, the sound of a ringing phone brought her out of her

memories.

"Hello?" she said her voice sleepy. "Meredith?"" Yeah, it is me.

Who is this?"

"It's Izzie." There was a pause on the other end and then the inevitable

question. "Are you ok?"

At the sympathy in Izzie's voice, Meredith felt tears fill her eyes. "I'm

fine, Izzie, really." She was lying, but she was too tired to cry.

"Ok but, if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call. We are all

here for you, Mer, and we love you. Remember that."

"I know," Meredith said, a small smile gracing her tired features.

"Well I have to go. I have to get to the hospital in half an hour."

"Ok, bye."" Bye."

Meredith relaxed against the couch again after hanging up the phone. She could not even think of setting foot in the hospital again. That was where the love of her life had died and her world had ended, all in a matter of moments. She closed her eyes, reaching for Derek's shirt in addition, hugging it to her chest. She let herself sink into the smell of him, her memory of him. She could feel her body become ready for sleep and she welcomed it, just so she could be with Derek once again. If only in her dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Love From Beyond

Chapter 2

Meredith had just climbed bed when she realized that she once again forgot to turn the light off.

"Derek can you get the light?"

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she realized what she said tears came to her eyes. He was gone but it still felt right to rely on him for the smallest of things. They had had many talks the past on many nights. As she got out of bed to turn off light her mind brought back one of those many conversations.

Flashback

_Meredith had just climbed into bed after a long shift at the hospital and Derek was still in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Then the light flicked off in the bathroom and out came Derek with a shy smile on his face, he noticed Meredith was comfortable in bed._

"_What am I going to do with you?" he said as he placed a peck on her lips._

"_You know the rule the last the last in bed gets to turn off the lights."_

"_Although it seems most nights you just tend to get to bed right before I come out of the bathroom just so you don't have to get the light Mrs. Shepherd."_

_Meredith looked up at him innocently with a small smile on her face._

"_Who me? Derek you really think I have a plan just so I don't have to do the smallest thing?"_

"_Yes, I do." _

_Meredith just rolled her eyes at him good naturally and smiled._

"_You know Mer, I can't do it all the time I might not be here one day, and then what will you do."_

"_Get my new husband to do it or do it before I get bed."_

_Derek just laughed at that comment, hopped in bed beside her, kissed her goodnight, and turned off the light._

Meredith came out or her memory and turned off the light and stumbled back to bed and let thoughts of happier times help her drift off to sleep.

The next morning Meredith awoke in a good mood, as she was getting ready for work when a picture out of the side of her eye caught her attention. It was of her, Derek, Addison Forbes-Montgomery, and Mark Sloane.

She and Addison had been friends; since they were toddlers because they grew up next door each other once she and her family moved next door since her father Jefferson Montgomery was accepting a position at Seattle Grace where Meredith's mother also worked. Whenever either one had to stay home alone because their mom or dad was working, they would sleepovers so that neither was alone.

Even though, Mark and Addison had moved to New York after college, they were still close because as it turned out Derek and Mark had grown up together as next-door neighbors as well in New York. They all joked about it was fate that had brought them all together and from then on, they were all always together.

Meredith was glad to have such close friend. Yes, she had Izzie, Alex, Christina, and George, but they only knew as much as she wanted them to. Mark and Addison knew her from the inside out.

Meredith h ad even thought for about moving to New York for a split second after Derek died but thought better of it because she was not ready to be that close to Derek family or where he grew up. Although that did not stop Derek mother Carol from trying. She had even tried to invoke that it is what Derek would have wanted her close to his family.

Granted Meredith did not have of her own left in Seattle because her father left her and her behind and her mother had died of a heart attack three years earlier because of Alzheimer's disease, but she and Derek had built a life here that she was not willing to give up quite yet.

Just as she was about to head out the door, there was a knock.

"Coming"

She opened the front a moment later, and was shocked to see on the other side Addison.

"What are you doing here?"

She laughed and then said

"What I can't stop by and see my best friend?"

"But when best friend said lives on the west coast and the other on the east coast they usually call before visiting."

Addison just rolled her eyes and smiled at Meredith's attitude.

"I knew if I called you and told you I was coming you'd say you were fine and try to talk to me out of it. Therefore, I thought it would just better if I surprised you."

"You're right I would have tried to talk you out of coming because I really am fine."

"Mer, I know you which you seem to forget. I also know that you are not fine because Derek died two months ago and I know you have not been out of the house since because I've talked to Richard and Carol."

"Look Addie I know it's just so hard to go anywhere without seeing him everywhere."

"I know, Mer and no one is asking you to move on until your ready, but, we are all just worried about you."

"I love you all for worrying about me but, I just want to be left with my memories for a little while longer."

Addison watched as tears filled her best friend's eyes and her hart broke for her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Love From Beyond**

**Chapter 3**

**Addison saw the heart break in Meredith's face and she wished she could take it away. After they embraced Meredith stepped back and looked at her best friend. Addison moved past Meredith. **

**"Is there coffee?" **

**Meredith sighed, closing the door following Addison through the house to the kitchen. **

**"When was the last time you ate Mer?"**

**Meredith looked down at her watch and realized it had been over 36 hours since her last meal; she gulped as she looked at Addison.**

"**Um… 36 hours."**

**"Meredith." **

**Addison sighed opening the fridge hoping to find something she could make her best friend. She saw nothing there. She closed the door and turned to Meredith. **

**"Get dressed, we will go out to breakfast my treat."**

**Meredith knew not to fight Addison on this, so she just headed upstairs to get ready for the day. Addison watched her best friend stumble from the room; she pulled her phone out calling Mark. **

**"Hey, I'm here. No, not yet. I will let you know. Love you too." Addison closed her phone starting for the stairs when Meredith came back down.**

**"Let's get this over with." Meredith said pulling on her coat.**

**The car ride was silent but with these two, there did not need to be words to understand what was going on with each other. Addison pulled up to a small cafe near the hospital. **

**"You like this place right?"**

**Meredith nodded and stepped out of the car, she hurried through the rain to the warm cafe. **

**"We both did." Meredith said, pulling off her coat looking for a table.**

**Addison flinched and saw the pain settle in Meredith's eyes, but she figured they were taking a step in the right direction because it was not a struggle to get her out of the house. Addison realized that Meredith was not going to be forthcoming in starting the conversation because her eyes were down cast and on the menu. **

**"So you said you were going to work today, that's good. I'm glad you left the house." Addison did not need to look at Meredith to know she was rolling her eyes. "You should come visit us in New York Mer."**

"**Addison I don't think I could ever face New York again without Derek truthfully. Every time I talk to Carol she sounds so sad, and I can't help but feel that it's my fault we lost Derek I mean we were and were both neurosurgeons we should have been able to see the signs"**

"**Meredith no one blames you where on earth did you get that idea?"**

"**Nancy" Meredith said with a roll of her eyes.**

"**Figures" Addison replied. **

**I know its just Nancy, but still I should have seen the signs Addie." Meredith looked down at the table.**

"Meredith, Nancy. Well she's a bitch, and she's upset that Derek is gone." Addison was trying to find the words to help ease the burden that Derek's meanest sister had put on Meredith's shoulders.

"**Mer none of what has happened is your fault please believe that."**

**Meredith knew Addison was right but it did not make the pain of losing Derek hurt any less**

**The server took their order before Addison could continue. While they were ordering, Addison took the opportunity to study Meredith. She noticed that she had lost weight and looked very pale.**

"**Mer are you alright? Are you feeling ok?"**

**"I'm fine." Meredith answered automatically.**

"Typical Meredith." Addison mumbled. "Tell me the truth Meredith."

**Meredith looked at Addison and took a deep breath and looked back down then mumbled, "I've been getting nausea over the last few days and throw up this morning."**

"**Okay. Have you been to the doctor?" Addison asked out of curiosity, but she knew that Meredith had not been to see anyone yet.**

"**No it just started two days ago. I thought it was just pressure and missing Derek."**

**Meredith, when we are done with breakfast, we are going to the hospital, and you are going to get a pregnancy test." Addison told her, there was no room for argument in Addison's voice.**

**Meredith was speechless pregnancy was the last thing that crossed her mind and with just the mention of a baby without Derek being around to see them or help raise them made her heartache worse.**

**"Pregnant? No Addison. I would know." Meredith looked down at the table, fighting the tears that were rapidly filling her eyes.**

**  
Addison saw the range of emotions coming over Meredith at that moment and got out of her seat and bend down beside her.**

"**Shhh… Mer its going to be ok I promise"**

"**How Addie? If I'm pregnant, how can it be okay?" Meredith's voice wavered, her hands covering her abdomen.**

"**Meredith your not alone you have Mark and I, Derek's family, your friends here you will not be alone."**

"**All I really want right now is Derek."**

"**I know"**

**Addison gave Meredith a tight smile, wondering how Meredith would react if she really was pregnant, because as much help as they all could be, they did not make up for Derek being gone.**

**Addison went back to her seat and they finished their meal in complete quite both wondering what the future would hold.**

**Meredith and Addison walked into the house in silence, the tears fell rapidly from Meredith's cheeks. "Meredith." Addison needed Meredith to talk, they had gotten the results so quickly. Meredith was pregnant, and Derek was gone. She had not said a word since they left the hospital.**

**Meredith went to the living room, laid on couch and cried Addison was at a loss of how to help her so she made sure she was fine for the moment then she headed upstairs to make a few phone calls to Mark and Carol.**

**Meredith listened to Addison on the phone, her voice muted, she couldn't hear what her best friend was saying, but she could only imagine.**

**Meredith was tried from the emotion pain that she drifted into a fitful sleep.**

***Dream***

**She was walking to the end of the dock and she sat down, put her feet over the edge, and let her feet drift in the water. Meredith heard his heavier footsteps moving down the dock. She did not have to turn to know it was Derek behind her, his warmth surrounded her as he joined her on the end of the dock.**

"**What are you doing out here this early in the morning Mer"**

"**Thinking"**

"**About what sweetheart "he said as he sat down**

"**Our future"**

**"I like the sound of that. Want to share what you are thinking?" Derek's hand rested on Meredith's lower back.  
**

**"I'm pregnant."**

**A smile grew on Derek's face like a child on Christmas and he scooped Meredith up his arms and swings her around never wanting to let her go. **

**Derek put Meredith down, his lips finding hers warm and eager, but quickly he pulled away. Taking her hand, he moved down the dock. "We have to celebrate." Meredith smiled her step slowed down as Derek moved ahead of her, his figure disappearing in the mist coming off the lake.**

***End of Dream***

**Meredith knew she was waking up, but she shifted trying to get back to her dream, where Derek was there, where they would celebrate her pregnancy. Nevertheless, she knew it was no use he was gone and she was left by herself once again. She woke up trying to hold back a sob but it was no use the sob shook her body and if they were waves in the ocean.**

**Addison came down the stairs, hearing Meredith's muffled sobs, she hurried into the den where Meredith was resting. She sat on the edge of the couch, rubbing Meredith's back offering what comfort she could.**

"**Shhh... Mer its ok I'm here just breathe"**

**Meredith did not respond she just held tightly to Addison as if she was a lifeline. Addison was extremely worried she knew she needed to get Meredith to clam down before she had a full on panic attack. **

**Addison moved off the couch to kneel in front of Meredith. She took Meredith's face in her hands, forcing Meredith to look at her. "Meredith, deep breath. I am here; it is going to be okay. That's it deep breath." Meredith struggled to slow her breathing down, knowing that it was not good for the baby. Finally, her breath regulated back to normal and she stared right at Addison.**

"**It was so real I was out on the dock and Derek had come to find me and I told him I was pregnant and we were so happy then he walked into the mist and I was left alone cold and sad."**

**"It was just a dream Meredith and you aren't alone. You have me, and Mark. And Derek's family." Addison told her, helping her friend sit up. **

**"But not Derek." Meredith told her starting to tear up again. **

**"No. We are not Derek. But we do love you." Addison told her smiling**

"**I know you do but it's just hard"**

"**I know honey but you'll get better I promise and this baby is his final gift."**

**I don't think I can do this Addie." Meredith said her voice barely above a whisper. **

**"You can. And you will. We will help you.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Love from Beyond**

**Chapter 4**

**Mark's hand rested over his heart, knowing that the envelope he held close to him would change Meredith's life. He could not get the conversation he had with Addison off his mind.  
**

"**Addie, I found a package for Meredith in a box of Derek's things. I do not know what it is, but it addressed to Meredith. Yeah, okay I'll fly out as soon as I can."**

That was two days ago, and now Mark sat on a plane, almost to Seattle and he doesn't know how to tell the widow of his best friend he has a package from beyond the grave for her. Shaking his head, he closes his eyes, hoping the words will come to him while he sleeps the last hour of the flight.

**Meanwhile in Seattle, Meredith was pacing her bedroom with her cell was phone in her hand she was trying to get the courage to call New York while Addison just on the bed for mortal support.**

**"Mer, you need to call them." Addison spoke up after watching Meredith wear a path in on the rug.**

**Meredith looked sharply at Addison before frowning. "Meredith call them."  
**

**"Okay, I know I need to call." Meredith's hand trembled as she dialed the familiar number to get Derek's mother.**

**"Meredith, is that you sweetheart?" The older woman greeted her daughter-in-law.  
**

**"Yeah, Carolyn, I need to tell you something and its really hard for me, so just hear me out." Meredith pleaded, fighting back the tears. **

**  
"Of course dear." Carolyn tightly held the phone to her ear, waiting for the news.  
**

**"I'm pregnant."**

**Meredith did not hear a reply right away, which made her nervous.**

"**Carolyn are you still there?"**

"**Ummm… Yeah sweetheart I just wasn't expecting that."**

"**To be honest neither was I "**

**"Meredith are you okay?" Carolyn asked worried about her.  
**

**"As well as can be expected. We wanted to have a baby; we had been trying before we found out that Derek was sick. And now." Meredith stopped taking a deep breath. **

**"Now it's hard, because he's not there." Carolyn finished for her.  
**

**"Yeah." **

"**I'm forever grateful that God gave us the ability to have this child but I never thought Derek wouldn't be here"**

**"Meredith, do you need me to come out there?" Carolyn asked, holding her breath, hoping that Meredith would admit she needed help. **

**  
"NO. Sorry. Addison is here, but I do want to see you soon." Meredith sighed knowing she reacted badly. **

**  
"Its okay dear, I'm not trying to push you." **

**  
"It's me Carolyn; I just need time to adjust to this. But I will call you soon for you to come out here." Meredith told her mother in law.**

"**Please do and remember even though Derek is gone your still part of this family and we will help you anyway we can"**

"**I know"**

**All the sudden Carolyn heard a knock at the door so she had to quickly ended their conversation.**

"**Sweetheart I love but I need to go I'll talk to you soon I promise."**

**I love you too" **

**They hung up and Meredith turned to Addison.**

"**Well that went better then I thought."**

"**I told you it would."**

**Meredith put the phone down her hands shaking. Addison stood up, guiding Meredith to the kitchen, intent on making her a cup of tea when the doorbell rang. Meredith broke away from Addison going to the door and pulling it open. Mark stood there, the rain falling outside.  
**

**"Mark." Meredith was shocked to see her husbands best friend standing on the doorstep.  
**

**"Meredith." Mark stepped inside, setting is bag down, pulling Meredith into his arms. **

**Meredith sank into the welcoming hug, knowing that no one had been closer to Derek than Mark.**

**Addison watched them from the hallway, smiling when Mark looked up at her. "Come on; let's go get something to drink." Mark steered them towards the kitchen taking Addison's hand on the way. Once they were seated and Meredith was quietly sipping her tea, Mark looked at Addison nodding. **

**"Meredith I have something to tell you."**

**Meredith looked between Addison and Mark before answering him. "Okay." She waited for Mark to continue. **

**"It's why I'm here." **

**"Mark just spit it out." Meredith frowned wanting him to just say it.**

**"I have a package from Derek. For you." **

"**How is that possible? I thought I had everything that was his?"**

"**I found this in a box of things Carolyn gave me from our childhood"**

"**Mark please just tell me."**


	5. Chapter 5

Love From Beyond

Chapter 5

Mark with some hesitation handed Meredith the letter and the package and letter. She took it with trembling hands and as she noticed Derek's unique handwriting on the front of the envelope, her heart rate sped up and her breathing became shallow.

She looked at the envelope a moment longer before placing it on the coffee table and turning to the stairs without saying a word. Both Mark and Addison looked on with pain in their faces, neither one knew how to help Meredith now so they let her sort through this in her own way.

Meredith was not sure how to react to what Mark had found she felt as if her head was spinning. She had hoped and prayed that Derek would not just leave her and that there would be on final loving message from telling her how to go on without half her heart, but Meredith had been through Derek's things so many times without finding anything that she had finally lost hope. She never thought his message would be in something left in New York, she was wondering why Carol had not found it and if she had why she did not say anything when she talked to her the other day.

Meanwhile, Addison was pacing downstairs in the living room and Mark was watching her he was just as worried about Meredith but he was not wearing holes in the living room carpet because of it.

"What do we do for her Mark, I know she wanted to find a final message from Derek, but I'm afraid this is going to set back her healing process. "

"Addison we have to let her deal with this in her own way she will come to a when she wants our help".

"I know, I know."

"Just give her some time she just found out after missing Derek he finally did leave a final message and her heart is breaking all over again."

Addison looked in his eyes and realizes that truthfully if she was in the same position as Meredith she didn't think she could survive losing her heart. She kissed Mark with so much love that she sees the shock look on his face. She giggles.

"I love you."

"Love you too so much, Addison."

Meanwhile upstairs, Meredith was contemplating what Derek final message could be now she had it in her possession she wasn't sure she could handle reading it because then it would really mean he was gone. Meredith curled up on the bed staring out the window and let the tears fall.

She stared out the window for hours the next time she looked at the clock it read 3 AM. She realized she wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. She headed downstairs and laid down on the sofa staring at the package on the coffee table she sat with placing her fingers over her soul mate handwriting. She held the package to her chest just hoping that Derek's love would wrap itself around her.


	6. Chapter 6

Love From Beyond

Chapter 6

Meredith opens her eyes and looks around and finally her eyes land on the envelope in her grasp she finally realizes that the last person to touch this was Derek. That is the final act of love he put his final thoughts down on paper for which she was glad to have one final piece of him left to share with their child.

She slowly pulled the envelope from her chest looking at the handwriting once more before slowly flipping it over and running her hands over the seal, before slowly putting a finger underneath the flap and opening the package. She turned it over in her lap and sees 10 little envelopes in her lap, the shape of what would come in bouquet of flowers each was labeled with a month in Derek's perfect handwriting she ran her hands over each individual envelope wondering when Derek had the time or the strength to write these because at the end he could barely hold his head up for longer than a piece seconds. She was in awe that he had the foresight to do this for her.

She looked to envelope once more realizing that there was a figure letter inside the package she reaches inside and pulls it out unfolds it and starts reading.

_Dear my sweetest Meredith,_

_I don't know where you are or when you will exactly be reading this, but Meredith I want you to know that I love you for now and for always. Also sweetheart I want you to treasure the memories we made but that does not mean I want you to not make more memories even though I am no longer with you. I remember what you said one night when we first got married you said that whichever one goes first need to leave a to do list for the other so that's what I've done. But I've also gone one step further and giving you what I hope will help you move on, but please remember moving on does not mean forgetting what we had._

_Your lover,_

_Derek_

_PS I love you_

Meredith looked at the other final words on the page and started crying as she looked at that letter for hours finally falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning. That's where Mark and Addison founded her the next morning when he came downstairs.


End file.
